This was the challenge I faced with my husband and it sent me a on an emotional roller coaster ride for too long. Coping with a sexless marriage like this was a strain but it taught me a few valuable lessons that you can use if you are a wife facing the same issue.
- Firstly do not immediately blame yourself. I say not immediately because there is a point where both people are guilty of some blame. This is a problem your husband has firstly and being depressed and anxious about your own part to start leads to some ugly things.
- Do not believe the quick answers from your husband. When you ask about this it is often easy for your husband to blame you right back because they feel either ashamed or resentful of something and just want to lash out. Often they seem to take offense at your weight or something that is easy to use as a distraction.
- Do not nag. It is hard to not see your husband as the manly amorous guy you married so often we tend to think this is just a short term thing. A stressful week at work or something similar. When we go back again and again and try to get him to chase us again this often leaves us angry and with a tenancy to nag and complain ... it is like an insult to our womanhood. However this does not help because this is often NOT a short term thing that a simple romantic dinner and sexy underwear can fix. Have patience and ...
- Communicate! Make sure to really sit down and talk about this but with one rule. Never make it about yourself. Always find what is really bothering them but do not accept any offhand explanation ... dig deeper.
Ok, here is my situation...I am 34 yrs old and my husband is 37. We have been together for 11 yrs and married for 7 yrs. My son was born less than a year after our wedding day.when my hubby told me the pregnancy is what put the brakes on our sex life I assumed it was normal...especially when he told me he was afraid to hurt me or baby. Our sex life was fun and fabulous before marriage and baby. Since my son was born sex has been a problem for him....so basicly my entire marriage. Once every couple months was normal. If it were up to me I would do it every day as often as possible. I love sex. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, the past 2 yrs there has been no sex at all except 1 time in January. I am a great wife, mother, cook and have a banging body. I take great cred of myself and my family. Whenever I approach him about how this has affected me he simply plays the victim as if I'm nagging. I finally got him to see a doctor and he came home with viagra which is super expensive! Anyways, his urge for sex is gone therefore viagara is useless. He keeps telling me hes gona fix it but he has no clue what to fix and refuuses to see anyone about it. It has become something I bring up regularly but without being bitchy or nagging. Sometimes I cry and he gets angry with me and says " why r u doing this to me? You know I have issues" except I don't know what those issues are. I have never cheated but I am getting desperate..I feel angry when I try to remember what sex use to be like. I need advice...help!
ReplyDeleteI can identify with every word you have written,my dear ,and have "walked the walk". I am now 60 years old and still miss the intimacy of a lover's touch.Believe me, nothing will ever change and if you decide to stay then it will likely be on HIS terms.
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong, my 34 year marriage has had great times ,we have been the best of friends and are very in sinc. with one another.To the outside world we are the perfect couple, but in the bedroom sex is like a UFO .I know that it may be out there ,but he prefers to pretend it does not exist.Yes ,I think he has issues,but perhaps he is just truly Asexual.They can perform at the beginning to cement a relationship but it quickly dies away ,and they just do not think in a sexual way.
I know that my husband truly loves me and we have tried to re-connect many times but it never lasts.I have survived by masturbation and grim determination not to break my marriage vows.I will likely grow old with my husband now but there have been sacrifices.I have fibromyalgia and repeated bouts of depression.It is not natural to live without a man to have and to hold and not what I signed up for.If I were your age again I would hope that I found the courage to move on and find a more compatible mate.Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship,but when it is missing completely the sexual partner mourns every day .Good luck my dear and choose wisely.Be true to yourself .
I am 2 years into a relationship and find it impossible to see a future without sex. I was married for 23 years and do think now I got into this relationship too quickly. He was everything at first but I realise now he lied about why he was taking viagra every day. this lasted less than 5 months and went to once a week, fortnight, month or two. Its 4 months this time. I feel like a sex maniac, i cry almost every day over the silliest of things but particularly anything that is a reminder that im with someone that has no labido. He makes me feel like im unreasonable ..or that there is more to a relationhip than sex. However I know I will always want sex so trying to work things out in my head before I can move on. Any advice???
ReplyDeleteThat is certainly a terrible situation to be in. Half of this is about communication however, he is obviously trying to brush off any REAL communication about the sex issue by making you feel bad about it.
DeleteOne tactics is to ask hmi how he feels about things and continue to press that line without EVER mentioning what you want. So that he might open up a bit more about his relationship with sex in general without feeling like you are trying to pressure him. This can work well for some
Good luck!
I am in the same situation! I have been with my current husband for two years , but together three. I am miserable. No sex.He tried viagra but it didn't work. He did prove to be low in testosterone, but still It has not changed his desire for me. I have never been with anyone that did not find me desirable and my self esteem is shot. I am not sure if I can continue my marriage without intimacy. He is kind, but does blame it on me not being more forward. I have tried everything, and it is fine as long as he gets pleasure from me ( not intercourse).
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